So if you are one of my facebook friends and you are reading this. Probably wondering where I have been lately. Answer, no where.. sitting here at home, working, gym, admiring the sky. No literally, I’ve been admiring the sky lately.
Anyways to back things up and get personal as to how im feelings and such. Ive been straight up depressed. I am not going to lie, why hide it and suppress it when that can be the thing to hurt yourself.
Question you have on your mind. Why depressed?
Answer: Because of its that time of the year where i relate everything that love(d) went the wrong direction. My closes cousins birthday is coming up which he died, my aunt passed away on my birthday, my ex wasnt into me and dumped me, job is not that satisfying, you get my point.
But i will say this, even tho i may be depressed, Its not stopping me from living another day.
I was looking back at some pictures when i was in DC and what did i do. I would go to the Potomac river and sit there and watch the sun set behind Arlington and shine against the water. And suddenly it hit me that I’ve been staring at the skies lately.. thinking!
And that is when “The Elements” were born. With a few modifications to the images, i made it to my liking almost like a painting.
So each image you see in the “The Elements” has an emotional charge to it and how my feelings are at the moment.
A gallery will posted soon to my site. and you can see it and find the emotion yourself in the elements.
I can smile throughout the day and continue my daily routine. I go to the gym and work my little heart out. But I am still feeling like I am in a place of nowhere. Feeling lost and depressed majority of the time. I am soooo out of place and wished it was the way it used to be.
That smile, when looking into those gorgeous eyes of yours, that soulful gentlemen voice. Non-forceful “I Love You’s” is what I fed off. I accepted things about you that others would not agree with. You hurt me a few times and I forgiven those moments as I just wanted to jump over these hurdles and move on.
You were the one I wanted to marry, spend my life with, smile with, argue with, cry with, and love with.
But I know that’s not going to happen so here I am letting these rings go and hoping another couple can put them to good use.
I’ve given up on lots lately and I am realizing that I need to give up on you too and move on. This time I am jumping over these hurdles alone.
Yes it’s life but it still hurts. Someday soon things would be back norm and the world around me will be at peace. At least I can count you as a friend even if we can’t settle as lovers.
Rejection is rejection, and it happens and I’m pretty much used to it.
Hello all,
I know ive been down and a bit too depressed lately but i plan on changing it. Its a battle that I fight too often (lately). So here is my plan, I am going to chill. yup, that easy.
It was amazing how someone on facebook asked me how i was doing and my reply was “I am good trying to stay content by staying simple this year.” And I love how that answer really just did it for me.
By no means is that going to change my feelings about love and the person I do still love. but it will definitely change my attitude a bit. Enough to CTFO (Chill the fuck out)
so there you have it! I am “Revampire” myself to a better direction. =)
Friday went out with friends got a bit tipsy, who wouldnt after going through some shit. But its okay, rejection is what i have to deal with and I guess im used to it and the best way is to drink the night away. lol (sarcastic “lol”)
anyways, it ended up being fun. I stayed in the city thanks to my friend Kenn for letting me crash at his place for the night. Saturday was just staying at home all day and hiding under the covers.
Today is Sunday. I already have laundry going and another stack to put in it. Dishes are being washed and I plan on taking the dogs out to Pt. Isobel, nothing like a calm weekend I guess.
But overall, mentally, I am a bit weak but still pushing through. My mind and heart is still sore and hurt.
Again, these events usually bring out the creative stuff out of me. I am a Pisces, sensitive and creative. So i may come out of this stink a full speed.
Yes you have spoken and I am now understanding what you are giving me.
If only you can make me feel a bit more depressed that would be just wonderful. Oh and happy new year to you too universe, I had plans to start it big and great but so far you disappointed me.
I’m getting the message that everything I do is wrong. So thank you for pointing that out to me and rubbing it in my face or finding something wrong with what I do or my work. How about if I just quit everything so that I don’t stumble upon messing up peoples routine or having people waste their time on me.
Sounds like a plan?
****FRUSTRATED at the moment!! That’s all and thanks for hearing me vent.
